“He liked to make her feel small. Make her feel silly. Make her feel unsure of herself.” – Steve Martin as Charles Haden Savage in Only Murders in the Building.
With the very first threat of violence, full stop. Get out and get away. There is no shame in matching energy and standing up for yourself, be safe and go as fast as you can. With clarity, timing is perfection.
People who lack empathy switch and escalate VERY quickly. Only you know what is correct for you, and books can help clear the brain fog. Education is essential for escape AND healing. It’s very difficult to heal something you can’t identify, and the cycle will continue with the next relationship.
Feeling hopeless, wishing someone would save us in these situations is normal. You need and deserve assistance, so do I.
The truth is good resources are challenging to find, and getting through to someone who can make a difference is damn near impossible. I had to learn to save myself, and I’m still doing it. Lol! Real talk.
It’s a full-time job saving myself. AND every other person on the planet is experiencing the same.
Our collective awareness is growing, but global infrastructure and our governments are failing. We are dividing based on our empathy and beliefs. This is good, but it’s going to be a wild ride.
It is impossible to play their games long term. They will not change. They will never get better. The veil is thinning permanently, and the differences in character are becoming more obvious to everyone.
There are resources available, but you have to get crafty to find them or build your own path. Most people are so confused about their stories that they don’t know how to communicate the actual problem or how someone can help, making it even more difficult to acquire resources.
Please educate yourself on self-advocacy; TikTok and YouTube are a wealth of information.
Never. EVER. Allow someone to threaten or lay hands on you without taking action.
If you THINK you MIGHT be dealing with a narc, please consider a few essentials:
- Personal money, gift cards, cash, and bank accounts only in your name.
- Personal transportation and sharing a vehicle is a bad idea. That’s how they keep you trapped.
- Backup phone where he doesn’t have access.
If they don’t “allow” you to have these items, that is a HUGE red flag.
My ex has never threatened me or my children with physical violence. I would not be playing this kindly with someone who I thought would cause bodily harm outside of his sexual sadism. He would not get a podcast, and one of us would get handcuffs. I have ZERO tolerance for verbal or physical violence. Hands are for loving, not for hitting. Period. Confusion is evidence of verbal violence, look for patterns.
I did experience sexual assaults during our relationship; what was more common was withdrawal, rejection, non-consensual humiliation, and objectification. He would aggressively cross the explicit line of consent, causing bodily harm. But he would stop when I said stop. He was constantly testing my sexual boundaries and consistently lied about his desires.
Protect yourself and your children first and always.
Move in silence. Narcs are like roaches: If you have one, you have another 1,000 in your walls. You can’t see them yet. They are attracted to both neediness and bravery. The stronger you become, the more they show themselves. Silence is the exterminator.
You must know your opponent; I guarantee he knows every button you have and exactly how to push them. He has convinced you that he is stupid. He is not. He is playing a game, and they use your empathy as a weapon against you.
He wins when you are confused. There is NO POINT to his game besides ruining your life.
What was unseen is now seen. We are the evolution. We are the revolution.